5 Signs Your Marriage Can’t Be Salvaged and Where to Turn Next

Nik Fondren • Feb 07, 2024

Finding the Right Path to Take When Your Marriage Comes to a Close

All married couples experience problems at times. After all, when you share a life, a home, and finances, certain differences are bound to arise. You can solve some problems some of the time, but it’s impossible to come to a solid agreement on everything. Sometimes, even an acceptable compromise seems out of the question. 


Arguments, hardships, and frustrations are common in marriages. People simply accept them and resolve them to the best of their abilities. In some cases, they ultimately just agree to disagree on a point of contention. Those typical hurdles aren’t necessarily reasons to end a marriage. 


Knowing When It’s Time to Walk Away


Having said that, some marital problems run far deeper than the common, somewhat trivial, obstacles. They cause ongoing pain and unhappiness for everyone involved. Where, exactly, is that line, though? How do you decide a marriage can’t be salvaged? Although not all situations are absolute, the following five warning signs may be indications that it’s time for an Alabama divorce. 


Trust Is No Longer Part of Your Relationship


A complete lack of trust is one of the most surefire signs that a relationship can’t be salvaged. This is also one of the most complex relationship problems couples face. Loss of trust can stem from several issues. 


Infidelity


Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce in America. Some couples can rebuild their relationship after one of them has an affair. It may take time, effort, and even therapy, but it’s not impossible. 


If infidelity has been a recurring problem, though, it’s not likely to change at this point. Trying to rebuild trust after repeated affairs is often fruitless. Even if your partner’s cheating does come to a halt, you’ll probably still have ongoing trust issues that could cause serious problems for the remainder of your life together. You’ll always be wondering if something unsavory is going on behind your back.


Habitual Lying


Habitual lying is another reason for broken and possibly unrepairable trust. For example, say your spouse has a habit of telling you he or she has paid the bills, but that repeatedly turns out to be untrue. Perhaps your spouse routinely lies about where he or she goes after leaving the house. Even after getting caught in those deceptions, your spouse may continue to insist they’re the truth. 


If chronic lying has led to a loss of trust in your relationship, there may be no other solution besides ending the marriage. It’s not easy to regain trust after it’s lost. As is the case with infidelity, long-running habitual lying isn’t likely to go away. 


Acting Irresponsibly


Acting irresponsibly may lead to a lack of trust as well. If your partner consistently makes promises only to break them, trust will inevitably fade over time. Breaking dates and routinely forgetting important occasions also fall into this category. So does frivolous spending that causes financial hardships for your family. If you’ve come to distrust your spouse because he or she is, essentially, a flake, it may be time to consider divorce. 


Constant Fighting


Constant fighting in a relationship is a warning sign that it may be time to walk away. Every couple argues at times; it’s inevitable. You stay angry with each other for a few hours or days. Then, you apologize, make up, and move on with your life together. 


If those heated disagreements have transcended the occasional spat, though, they’re a problem. They create unending stress and tension in a relationship. That, in turn, leads to a long list of problems. From the most basic perspective, you’ll both be miserable. Beneath the surface, endless arguments can affect your physical and mental health as well as that of your partner. 


Studies have shown that relentless arguing in a relationship can lead to reduced immunity, which means you’re both likely to be sick more often. You’ll be slower to recover from illnesses and injuries too. Incessant fighting has also been linked to higher blood pressure and an increased risk of anxiety and depression. Those are only a few of the possibilities. Constantly arguing with your spouse can have the same effects on your children as well. 


Failure to Communicate


Perhaps relentless fighting isn’t a problem in your relationship. Maybe you and your partner don’t fight at all. In fact, you rarely even talk beyond a basic “Good morning,” or “See you later.” 


You don’t joke around and laugh with each other the way you once did. Those heartfelt conversations you used to have are no longer part of your life. At one time, the two of you could talk all night long about any topic imaginable, but now, you fall asleep without a word to one another. You don’t even discuss basic household decisions at this point.


A complete lack of communication can be just as detrimental to your health and relationship as constant arguing. Some experts feel it’s even more harmful. At least when you’re arguing, you’re blowing off steam and letting out some of your negative emotions. When you’re not communicating at all, you’re holding everything inside. 


If the lines of communication have broken down in your home, consider trying to reopen them a little at a time. If both of you make an effort to talk and reconnect, that could save your marriage. On the other hand, maybe you’ve tried, but it’s just not working. In a situation like that, it may be time to end the relationship. 


You’re a Victim of Abuse


Living with abuse is a definitive sign that it’s time to walk away from your marriage. That’s the case whether the abuse is physical, emotional, or financial. Any abusive partner can promise to change. Yours likely will if you threaten to leave. Unfortunately, though, only a fraction of those who make such promises actually follow through with them. 


To truly, permanently change for the better, an abusive partner has to fully understand the depth of his or her actions and how they’re affecting you. Your partner has to learn to identify what causes the patterns of abusive behavior and be willing to overcome them. In most cases, abusers are more apt to blame their partners for their actions and make excuses for themselves. 


You Dread Coming Home


Do you voluntarily work late even though it’s not really necessary? Do you routinely make up errands to run just to get out of the house? If you’ve come to realize that you dread spending time at home, your relationship may be over. 


Before deciding to end the relationship, delve deeper into why you don’t want to go home. Is it because you know you’ll end up arguing with your partner from the time you get home until you fall asleep? Does staying away from home keep you safe from your partner’s abuse? 


It could be that you know you’ll inevitably just end up sitting in silence on the opposite end of the sofa from your partner. Because of that, you feel more alone when you’re with your spouse than you do otherwise. Maybe you dread going home because you haven’t been honest with your spouse about something. In your guilt, you’re struggling to face your partner or afraid they already know what you did. 



Think about why you want to spend as little time at home as possible. Consider whether the problem can be resolved. If there’s a chance it can, then speak up about it. It may lead to an uncomfortable conversation, but that’s better than holding it in. At the very least, it’ll give you a better idea of whether trying to salvage your relationship or walking away from it would be the better option. 


Where to Turn Next


In the event you’re ready to walk away from your marriage, it’s best not to handle the situation on your own. Reach out to your family members and close friends for emotional support. There’s no harm in turning to a counselor as well. Professional counselors can give you guidance and tools to help you cope with the pain, anger, sadness, resentment, and other negative feelings you’re experiencing. 


Additionally, consider consulting with a divorce attorney. Professional legal counsel can help make the divorce process less complicated and confusing. A lawyer can help you work through all the finer details of the divorce, like spousal support, child custody and support, visitation, and division of assets and debts. Working with an attorney will improve your chances of a fair outcome so you can more effectively move on with your life. 

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Know Your Rights: What to Do When Stopped by the Police

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Nobody wants to be stopped by the police, even when they have done nothing wrong. If you are in this situation, knowing what to do can help reduce the stress associated with this encounter. Stay calm and never act hostile toward the officers. Know your rights and what to do so the situation doesn’t escalate. Know Your Rights Most people know they have the right to remain silent during an encounter with law enforcement. You may be required to provide your name, depending on state laws where the encounter occurs, but that is it. Firmly state you wish to remain silent and stop speaking. They cannot compel you to do so once you make this statement. Furthermore, if police stop you while driving, the right to remain silent applies to any passengers in the vehicle. Passengers might also ask if they can leave during this traffic stop. If officers say they may, they should do so quietly. The Fourth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution prohibits unreasonable searches and seizures. Law enforcement officers cannot search your person, home, or car without your permission unless they have a warrant. Have them produce this warrant so you can review it. However, officers may pat you down to check for weapons. They are permitted to do so for their safety. If the officers ask to search, say that you do not consent. They may conduct this search anyway, depending on the circumstances of the encounter. This verbal statement that you do not consent to the search may become important if authorities file charges against you. When officers enter the home, they may not search without your permission or a search warrant. If they arrest you at home or work, they have the right to search the immediate area or anywhere they can see criminal activity. Pay attention to what they do throughout this search to confirm they conduct it properly and don’t overstep their bounds. Every person has a right to a criminal defense attorney in Cullman, AL . Request a government-appointed attorney if you cannot afford to hire a lawyer. Let the officers know you would like to make a phone call. They cannot listen to any calls between you and an attorney, but they have the right to listen to all other calls you make. The officers can tell you how to request a government-appointed attorney if one is needed. Handling Police Encounters Safely During any encounter with the police, stay calm. Never volunteer information, even if it seems harmless. Use your right to remain silent or only answer direct questions, never offering additional information when doing so. Never argue with officers or bad-mouth them, as doing so could change the whole tone of the interaction. If officers attempt to pull you over while you are driving, continue operating the vehicle until you reach a place where it is safe to stop. Never stop in the middle of the road or impede traffic, as doing so puts you and the officer at risk of harm. When the vehicle is stopped, remain in the car, turn on the interior light, and put your hands where the officer may see them. Ask passengers in the vehicle to show their hands as well. Provide any documents requested by the officer during this traffic stop. They may ask to see your driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. Before collecting these documents, let the officer know where they are located. Reaching into a glove box or under the seat may appear to be a threatening move to the officer. Letting them know that is where the documents are and that you aren’t reaching for a weapon can help to reduce tension. Never run from a police officer. Also, do not touch the officers, as any touch could be construed as threatening in a volatile situation. If officers arrest you, go willingly. Don’t resist or become combative. Doing so could make a bad situation worse. Common Misconceptions People often believe they must consent to a search or take a breathalyzer test. They feel they are required to answer questions when asked by law enforcement. A person doesn’t have to say or do anything when stopped by the police. Failing to answer questions or consent to a search may result in a trip to the police station. Let this happen and contact an attorney with your one phone call. While the trip to the station is an inconvenience, it will probably be a short-lived one once your attorney arrives. They will work to get the matter resolved and have you released quickly. Protecting the Rights of Others You may find yourself in a situation where law enforcement is handling a matter involving another individual and you are merely a bystander. Help each other out by observing this interaction and recording it if possible. Try to capture officers’ badges and patrol car numbers with the video to show who was involved beyond what can be seen in the video. Also, ask witnesses to state their names and contact information on the video. They may need to share what they saw with authorities. If the situation is mishandled in any way, contact the internal affairs department of the law enforcement agency, so they may handle the matter. In addition, share the video with the attorneys of all parties involved in the interaction if problems arise. When law enforcement officers know they will be held accountable for their actions, fewer problems typically arise during a stop or other interaction. Law enforcement officers cannot stop bystanders from recording their interactions with individuals. However, the person taking the video must not interfere with police activity in any way. If you wish to record an interaction, do so from a safe distance. Don’t hide the fact you are recording, as police officers know they do not have any expectations of privacy while on the job. However, you may need to ask those interacting with the officers if they wish to be recorded. State laws vary on whether permission is needed so it is always better to ask. A person may come into contact with law enforcement multiple times throughout their life. All parties are responsible for what happens in each interaction. Know your rights and how to handle these interactions safely and legally. Everyone must work together to keep our country safe while ensuring our rights remain protected. This is not a job for one person alone.

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Will Alabama Law Allow You to Relocate With Your Child After a Divorce? Steps on What To Do

By Nik Fondren • 13 Nov, 2023
Finding a better job, living in a larger home, and being in a better school zone are just a few of the reasons to move when you have kids. As complex as a move can be, it can be even more complicated when there’s a custody and visitation order after a divorce. While no one can stop someone from moving, it can impact custody and visitation, and it may be possible to be prevented from moving to another city or state. Those who are considering a move will want to understand Alabama laws and how they can impact the relocation. Before moving, some extra steps need to be taken to make sure everything is as smooth as possible and to make certain potential disruptions in parenting time or custody are minimized. What Counts as a Relocation? In Alabama, a relocation that requires additional steps is any move where the parent will be living more than 60 miles from their previous home. If the parent is moving across town for their job, to get into a better school zone, or for any other reason, the other parent may not be able to object since the location will likely be within 60 miles. If a parent moves more than 60 miles away, however, they must notify the other parent. In this situation, the other parent has the opportunity to object to the move. As long as the move is not far, the courts are generally not involved. The other parent does not get to say the move can’t occur since it is still within a reasonable distance. Of course, there may be exceptions to this if the move is not in the child’s best interest. If the move is more than 60 miles, though, the other parent can intervene and request the courts deny the move to prevent it from happening. Often, this is done if it will impact the other parent’s visitation abilities or have a potentially negative impact on the child. Parents who are concerned about whether a move counts under Alabama law can speak with a child custody attorney . This provides them the opportunity to learn more about the potential outcome if the other parent objects to the move or what they need to know to start the process. Providing Notice for the Relocation When a move is pending, the parent who is moving must give the other parent at least 45 days' notice of the move if it will be more than 60 miles away. This amount of time offers the other parent the option to object to the move in the courts and request the move be denied if they believe it’s not in the child’s best interest. If the parent finds out they will need to move in less than 45 days, they must provide the other parent with at least 10 days' notice. This may happen if there’s an emergency with the home or a parent is required to move for work. Objections to a Move The parent who is not moving does have the ability to object to it. To do this, they will need to file an official objection with the courts. At this point, a hearing will be scheduled, and both parents are required to attend. At the hearing, various considerations will be discussed to determine if the move will be allowed by the courts. It is highly recommended for the moving parent to speak with an attorney who handles Alabama family law before the hearing to get a better idea of what to expect. If the judge denies the move because they do not believe it’s in the best interest of the child, the parent will need to determine their next move. This could include negotiating visitation times to make the move more beneficial for both sides or moving to somewhere within the 60 miles that will still allow them to meet the goals of the move. It is possible in some situations to appeal the decision made by the judge, but this can take time, and alternative resolutions may be a better idea. A revised custody and visitation order may be created if the judge approves the move. This will be done to make sure the parent who is not moving is still able to be in contact with the child and able to have visitation. Depending on various factors, such as the distance of the move, visitation can still be the same or change significantly. The goal, however, is to allow the move without reducing or limiting the visitation of the parent who will not be relocating. Considerations for the Court The court will consider numerous factors when determining if a move is in the best interest of the child. Some of the factors they’ll consider can include the following. Relationship with Other Parent – They will consider how the relationship can be impacted by the move. Transportation – Whether transportation will be an issue for either parent can be a significant concern with longer distances. Parental Communication – There needs to be thought about how the parents can and do communicate about the child, especially over longer distances. Impact on the Child – Whether it will positively or negatively impact them, the effect it may have on their education, and more. Ability to See Siblings – If the child has siblings who are not moving, their chance to be together and know each other may be considered. Location of Residence – Moves out of the country may not be as likely to be approved as ones still within the US, even if the parent is planning to move to another state.  Moving to a new home can be exciting and full of opportunity, but relocating after a divorce can be a little more complicated. For those parents who are considering a move, speaking with an attorney is a good idea before making any concrete plans. This provides them with an opportunity to learn more about Alabama laws and how they can influence the move.
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